July 2025 · Calgary, AB
Sue Higgins Dog Park
Conducted two independent mud studies along the Bow River. Both research balls were claimed by the terrain and remain in the field. I was bathed twice, which felt retaliatory.
Verdict: “The mud was necessary. No further questions.”
September 2025 · Jasper, AB
The Two-Foot Lake
Found a lake exactly two feet deep in every direction, indefinitely. Ran in water for the better part of forever, no swimming required. For the record, pools remain unacceptable. This was not a pool.
Verdict: “Heaven is two feet deep.”
May 2025 · Bozeman, MT
Field & Stream Lodge Co.
Conducted a thorough inspection of Montana’s dog-friendly lodging. The couch situation was excellent, and I verified it extensively. Staff met all treat expectations.
Verdict: “Five stars. Would occupy again.”